Here’s what Brian is offering:

• Regular price for a dinner party for 10 people — $1600 — less 10 percent – your cost $1440, plus the cost of food.
• Brian is an excellent planner and estimates food costs for a party of 10 between $250-$375.
• He will donate 5% of the cost of each party back to Family Shelter Service. In the example above, that’s an $80 donation.
• A great way to throw a fabulous gourmet dinner party for business clients, a family reunion, or just a fun night with friends.

To book a party with Brian and benefit Family Shelter, please go to http://brianmerel.com/contact.php, enter your information and don’t forget to include Family Shelter Service in the message area.

Read what others have said about Brian’s fantastic food. This is an incredible opportunity to enjoy a fabulous dinner party while helping Family Shelter.

Each day, those affected by domestic abuse have the opportunity to find help and solace through Family Shelter’s hotline, which is staffed 24 hours/day and seven days a week.

Assistant Shelter Director Lisa Horne described a recent call. “Shelter Advocate Jennifer Ward was on a hotline call for close to an hour and I could actually hear the caller crying on the phone,” Lisa said. “Jennifer was giving her the support and validation she needed when they were suddenly disconnected.

“The woman called back and I answered the call,” Lisa continued. “She asked me to please tell Jennifer how much she appreciated her kindness. She told me that no one has ever spent that amount of time listening and not judging her; she said that she reaches out to friends on a regular basis and she usually feels worse afterwards because it makes her feel more isolated.”

At one point in their conversation, the woman mentioned one of her coping strategies and Lisa praised her for it. “She just broke down crying and said, ‘Oh my God, I’m finally doing something right. For the first time ever I feel successful — even if it’s just that little thing.’”

Hotline staffers daily encounter people who have nowhere to turn, friends and family who may underestimate the severity of the situation — or individuals with community ties in another state, or even another country. For these people the hotline is a lifeline to a better future… and has been since 1977 when it was Family Shelter’s first official program.

In its initial month of operation, 38 calls were made to the hotline. Today, approximately 600 calls come in each month — about 7,000 annually. In addition to victims themselves, the calls come from concerned friends and family members, area hospitals, schools and other referring community agencies. DuPage County protocol also requires that police officers call into the Family Shelter hotline following any domestic violence call. Family Shelter victim advocates then follow up with these individuals to check on their well-being.

According to Family Shelter Service Shelter Director Connie O’Gorman, each day on the hotline brings a different experience. “Sometimes hotline staff members will consult with each other concerning a particular situation,” she said. “Working the hotline is always a growing and learning experience. And knowing that we’re here just means an awful lot.”

Do you know someone who needs the services of Family Shelter Service? Please have them call our hotline at 630-469-5650.

“Many of our clients have mentioned concern for their adolescents as they enter dating age — middle school through high school,” said Tanimura-Winquist. “It’s something we consider preventative and we have decided that the best way to approach it is with a support group format. We cover family dynamics, resilience-building, healthy communication and cultivating healthy relationships. Oftentimes, teens just want to have someone to talk things through with who aren’t their parents. We are offering a safe place for them to discuss relevant and sometimes difficult topics given their experiences.”

Thanks to the fundraising efforts of the Destination Imagination team from Edison Middle School, Family Shelter Service now offers a new poster directed to teens, which is headlined “Are you experiencing dating abuse?” The poster goes on to ask a series of questions that enable teens to evaluate their relationships. Questions such as “Does your partner act possessive or jealous? …control where you go? … call or text you excessively” all help teens to spot dating abuse before the relationship can spiral out of control.

Destination Imagination students Emily Sexauer and Jacob Sutherland worked with Joy Tanimura-Winquist, Family Shelter’s PEACE Prevention Educator, to design the poster, which typically is posted in restrooms.

“We wanted something in more teen-friendly language,” said Tanimura- Winquist. “We were also looking for something that was gender-inclusive.”

Emily Sexauer’s freshman student council group at Wheaton-Warrenville South is sponsoring the Teen Bathroom Poster, which is expected to be installed in the school this spring.

Family Shelter Service also offers posters specifically created for women’s restrooms. Known as “The Bathroom Project,” these posters feature small take-home cards with Family Shelter Service’s hotline number and a series of questions concerning abusive relationships.

If you are interested in having The Bathroom Project Poster or the Teen Bathroom Poster in your organization or school, please contact Family Shelter Service at 630-221-8290 or mail@ familyshelterservice.net.

A FREE Symposium for Healthcare and Social Service Providers will take place on Friday, May 17, 2013, 8:00 am to 12:15 pm, at the Hilton Lisle/Naperville. Register online: http://healthcarecme.eventbrite.com/. This event is free of charge and breakfast is included. Gail E. Wyatt, PhD will be the keynote speaker for the event.

Dr. Wyatt is a clinical psychologist, sex therapist and professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Biobehavioral Sciences at UCLA. Her research examines the consensual and abusive sexual relationships of women and men, the biological and behavioral effects of these experiences on their psychological well-being and the cultural context of risks for STIs and HIV.

Keynote speaker: Gail E. Wyatt PhD

10:15 – 10:30 am: Break 10:30 – 11:45 am

11:45 – 12:00 pm:

4 Stories Presented by Erasing the Distance:

Moderated Interactive dialogue facilitated by Brighid O’Shaughnessy, Executive Director of Erasing the Distance

Closing Statements12:00 – 12:15 pm:

Evaluations and CEU Distribution

Thanks to a $5,000 grant from the Wheaton Franciscan Sisters, Family Shelter began offering an art expression support group for clients in August of 2011.

Family Shelter Counselor Judy Petrushka spearheads the group and has structured the sessions around the special needs of individuals affected by abuse.

Many Family Shelter clients have experienced not only physical violence, but emotional trauma and sexual abuse, resulting in a number of psychological issues, such as anxiety, fear, depression and hopelessness. With the art expression group, clients are encouraged to express their feelings in their own creative way.

Petrushka explained that there are two important benefits from participation in the group. “One is for self-care, relaxation and play,” she said, “tapping into that place, particularly for people who have experienced isolation. The other is being able to express yourself in a way that’s different from words. It’s about developing some insights and empowerment based on what comes out in the art.”

Sessions begin with each attendee identifying a word to describe how they are feeling in the moment. The group is then led in grounding exercises and deep breathing for relaxation in order to prepare them to begin the project and bring themselves into the present.

The group is not focused on aesthetics, Petrushka said. “We’re not necessarily trying to create beautiful pictures, because some of these ideas are ugly and not nice. We don’t want it to be about artistic talent. It’s really about getting to what it is they want to represent. It’s about the process and not about the product. We talk about that a lot when we’re sharing. What was your process and what was it like for you to do this?”

In addition, it’s been found that the tactile nature of art materials can be soothing and relaxing and may assist the process of emotional healing. The sensory qualities of art expression are helpful not only in reducing stress, but in making meaning of past traumatic events.

“I’ve had a client in the group for whom every project was in the same two colors,” Petrushka said. “When someone remarked on that, she said she had never been allowed to choose and these were her favorite colors.”

The Franciscan Sisters’ grant enabled Family Shelter to obtain a wonderful array of art materials. “We work in markers, watercolor pencils and crayons, stamps and even collage,” Petrushka said. “The grant also enabled us to purchase a photo printer, so we can alter photos and sometimes include them in our collages.

“Typically, we start by experimenting with the art materials without any outcome in mind, to foster comfort and safety within the group. Creating a safe space to explore feelings and share is really important. Then we move to a variety of topics, for example grounding, inner critic, boundaries, what we can control, forgiveness and gratitude. We might finish with healing, growth, creating your path and the like.”

In the final phases, Petrushka explained, the group becomes more goal-oriented and is directed toward thinking about a path or journey where they want to go.

“The important thing is that there is total acceptance,” Petrushka said, “there is no right or wrong answer. Making an accidental line or spilling paint can lead to new discoveries or insights. People often get surprised by something that they did — some idea that they weren’t thinking about might come out.”

* * *

Collage is a common form of expression in our Art Expression Group. The collage above was part of Family Shelter’s 35th Anniversary Traveling Art Exhibit “Behind Closed Doors.”

Each day, those affected by domestic abuse have the opportunity to find help and solace through Family Shelter’s hotline, which is staffed 24 hours/day and seven days a week.

Assistant Shelter Director Lisa Horne described a recent call. “Shelter Advocate Jennifer Ward was on a hotline call for close to an hour and I could actually hear the caller crying on the phone,” Lisa said.  “Jennifer was giving her the support and validation she needed when they were suddenly disconnected.

“The woman called back and I answered the call,” Lisa continued. “She asked me to please tell Jennifer how much she appreciated her kindness. She told me that no one has ever spent that amount of time listening and not judging her; she said that she reaches out to friends on a regular basis and she usually feels worse afterwards because it makes her feel more isolated.”

At one point in their conversation, the woman mentioned one of her coping strategies and Lisa praised her for it. “She just broke down crying and said, ‘Oh my God, I’m finally doing something right. For the first time ever I feel successful — even if it’s just that little thing.’”

Hotline staffers daily encounter people who have nowhere to turn, friends and family who may underestimate the severity of the situation — or individuals with community ties in another state, or even another country. For these people the hotline is a lifeline to a better future… and has been since 1977 when it was Family Shelter’s first official program.

In its initial month of operation, 38 calls were made to the hotline. Today, approximately 600 calls come in each month — about 7,000 per year.  In addition to victims themselves, the calls come from concerned friends and family members, area hospitals, schools and other referring community agencies. DuPage County protocol also requires that police officers call into the Family Shelter hotline following any domestic violence call. Family Shelter victim advocates then follow up with these individuals to check on their well-being.

According to Family Shelter Service Shelter Director Connie O’Gorman, each day on the hotline brings a different experience. “Sometimes hotline staff members will consult with each other concerning a particular situation,” she said. “Working the hotline is always a growing and learning experience. And knowing that we’re here just means an awful lot.”

Do you know someone who needs the services of Family Shelter Service? Please have them call our hotline at 630-469-5650.

When Kaitlin became pregnant with her third child, her husband began to be emotionally abusive. As often happens, the abuse soon escalated into physical violence and the day she collapsed from a beating, Kaitlin knew she had to leave.

Fearful for the safety of her unborn child, as well as her two other children, Kaitlin didn’t know where to turn. Briefly, they were able to move in with a friend, but her husband would frequently appear outside their home and threaten her. Seeking shelter was her only alternative.

“When Kaitlin came to Family Shelter Service she was nearing her due date,” said Lisa Horne, Family Shelter’s Assistant Shelter Director. “One of the first things we had to do was make a birthing plan, especially since Kaitlin had a limited support system. Fortunately, a family at her church agreed to care for her children while she was in the hospital.”

Kaitlin soon gave birth and both the shelter staff and other individuals in shelter were enthralled with the beautiful little baby boy. “A lot of the teenagers in shelter got very excited and wanted to help out with the new baby,” Lisa said. “Kaitlin was very nervous at first, but soon became more comfortable with all the attention; it took a little time for us to build trust, so we had to be respectful every step of the way. We have to look out not only for the physical safety of people in shelter, but their emotional safety as well.”

Eventually Kaitlin began to let others hold the beautiful little baby boy who was a delight for everyone in shelter. “We loved being part of the first little smiles and ‘coos,’” Lisa said.

When it came time for Kaitlin and her children to leave shelter, the family at her church generously offered her and her children a place to live in their home. Once her children get older, Kaitlin hopes to return to the nursing school she had attended before coming to shelter, so that she can find employment and a home of their own.

While we all hope for a more peaceful society where women like Kaitlin never have to suffer at the hands of another, her story is all too common. One in six abused women report that their partner first became abusive during pregnancy. According to the Center for Disease Control, at least four to eight percent of pregnant women — over 300,00 per year —  report suffering domestic abuse during pregnancy.

If you’ve supported us in the past, your gift has helped people like Kaitlin find a better life for herself and her children. And although he is only a month old, the prospects for Kaitlin’s son Joshua are far better in a life without violence where he will be nurtured and gently cared for.

This was not the first baby born in shelter, and sadly, will certainly not be the last. But with the generous help of individuals and organizations in our community, we can offer them a safer future where they are able to realize their full potential without the long-lasting consequences of domestic abuse.

These unsettling statistics are only counteracted by the fact that so many concerned members of our community daily step forward to help put them on their journey to safety and self-sufficiency.

As we near year-end, we hope that you will take this opportunity to make a gift to Family Shelter Service to help women like Kaitlin — isolated and fearful — but able to find the tools and resources she needs to build a safer future for her family through our shelter and counseling services. Your donation directly impacts the lives of so many in our community with nowhere else to turn. And you can be confident in knowing that your dollars are used locally to help women and children in almost unimaginable circumstances find safety and just as importantly, hope.

We are fortunate to have a dollar-for-dollar match this year for all new and increased donations. Please click here to make your tax-deductible gift to Family Shelter so that others like Kaitlin can start their healing journey in a safe and caring environment.

“A mom and three children recently entered our shelter and both mom and the kids had been abused at home,” said Assistant Shelter Director Lisa Horne.

Like many who come to shelter, Horne explained, the mother was wracked with guilt about the things she could no longer provide for her children.

“In counseling, her daughter, a freshman in high school, mentioned that she wouldn’t be able to go to homecoming,” Horne said. “They had no money for a dress or the $20 ticket and her mother felt really bad about it, so our volunteers and staff brainstormed about what to do.”

A call was placed to Family Shelter’s Second Chance Resale Shop Director of Resale Operations, Kath Camasto, and she indicated that three homecoming dresses had recently been donated. Clients are able to shop at Family Shelter’s resale shops in Westmont and Naperville free of charge and one of the dresses was a perfect fit.

To complete the outfit, a staff member brought in a pair of dress shoes to go with the dress and a hotline volunteer donated the $20 ticket to the homecoming dance.

“When we made the offer of the dress, shoes and ticket to mom, she broke down and cried,” Horne said. “And when the big night came, it was a huge success,” she continued. “The daughter had such a fantastic time that after she arrived back at the shelter she spent the rest of evening dancing and singing.”

On October 27th Joy Tanimura-Winquist, Prevention Educator at Family Shelter Service, met with the youth group of Good Shepherd Church in Naperville to talk about bullying.”Bullying is really just another level of abuse, but we just don’t always like to call it that,” explained Tanimura-Winquist.  The group of approximately 120 students discussed what to do if they see someone being bullied or abused. They heard testimonies from both people who had bullied others and people who were bullied.  The hope is to deepen the conversation in faith communities to include not just bullying, but dating abuse as well, which is becoming increasingly common among young people in our community. For more information on how to bring Joy Tanimura-Winquist to work with young people at your religious community, please contact Joy Tanimura-Winquist at 630-221-8290 or joytw@familyshelterservice.org.